Oh man. I have to come out with a secret, something my wife doesn’t even know about. I have a problem, and I have it bad.

Every morning I pass our neighborhood Buc-ee’s on the way to work.  Yes, I live that far out of town. And like a purple pimp on a dark street corner, every morning that buck-toothed, chubby cheeked, beaver calls me like a fuzzy siren. That overly optimistic chuckles smile, contrasted by a yellow backdrop, is just too much to pass up in the morning… I can’t control myself. I need me some Buc-ee’s.  Just a little sumfin’ sumfin’ to get me by. It is a long drive to work, anyways… I deserve it. And I can quit anytime.

At first, I started dabbling with the coffee. Coffee refills on any size mug, a full buffet of creamers and sugars (including raw), and those cappuccino machines that are usually broke – all for $0.99. And if that wasn’t enough, they added Almond Joy creamer to the mix. I ultimately quit buying coffee, creamer and sugar for home and began to slowly become fully dependent on Buc-ee’s. And I had a 34oz Bubba Mug.

Then the coffee just wasn’t enough anymore. As traffic got worse on the way in to town, I needed a little more for the drive. This is where I really started to spiral down. One morning, while procuring my coffee, I passed a heat lamp box. I saw layers of warm toasty breakfast sandwiches all wrapped in our furry little pimps wrapping paper.  The label read, “Sausage Egg Cheese Croissant – $2.29”. I slyly looked around the store seeing if anyone I know was watching, then opened the heat trapping door and pulled out the warm coziness that awaited inside the wrapping.  I checked out and hurried back to my truck to unwrap this, what some may call, sandwich from a gas station.

The first bite was all it took. Scrambled eggs, that are not overcooked, oozing with melted american cheese, mixed with perfectly seasoned breakfast sausage, bundled by the flakey buttery croissant.  As I chewed, I closed my eyes and went on a far away journey in the deepest mountain forest, where little beavers served me, their king, and Robert Earl Keen played faintly in the background. This was the start of a relationship where your mom says, “stay away”, but that only makes you want it more.

I had to justify this in my mind.  It was affordable! Think about it. While all the black legging ugg bearing 16 year old white girls are piling into Starbucks dropping $5-$6 just on their venti mocha skinny frappuccino with two pumps of vanilla and no whip cream, I am walking out of Buc-ee’s with a $3.50 ticket to heart-attacksville; a 34oz coffee with all the fixin’s and that breakfast sandwich in question.

But this is why I have to stop hiding the truth, come out and be transparent, and ask for support as I make the leap to cut out that fuzzy little trucker-hat wearing pimp out of my life. I am going to do this.

…maybe just one more, I can start on Monday. Or maybe just on special occasions.

Stay hungry, Houston. Stay in school and don’t do Buc-ee’s.

-Adam
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P.S. – It’s not just me.  You know my vegan friendly wife that often posts all the healthy stuff on this site? Just ask her about bohemian garlic jerky from the big Buc-ee’s.